Scholarshipping

Scholarshipping

        Tonight, my posts are coming a little later even than their normal lateness, because, like many other students at my school, and probably across the country, I have been finishing my dollars for scholars stuffs (on top of having speech contests today!). Ah, scholarships; yet another layer of stuff they throw at us among the many, many tasks we must do as seniors. I once said to my friend in an e-mail, “I think Senior year is simply designed to drive people insane before they are allowed to become adults. Maybe we can test out of this since clearly we're already acing the whole insane thing.” And, I mean, doesn’t it seem like this is what’s really going on? Maybe senior year is just a huge conspiracy designed to make every future adult lose their mind o.O But anyways, thinking about scholarships and all the different things they have them for made me start thinking, and I have thought a little about this in the past as well, about, when I’m rich and famous, what scholarships I might establish with my vast and undoubtedly realistically guaranteed wealth. I’ve been working on this list of scholarships I think ought to exist and that I might establish, were I rolling in dough and running around giving it to children like myself.

Here is the working list of scholarships I could make:

The Scholarship for Procrastinators and for the Absentminded:
        Write an essay explaining how procrastination and/or absentmindedness plays a role in your life, and yet how you are still able to succeed and flourish in spite of or even because of these factors. Or, write about how your procrastination and/or absentmindedness has been detrimental to your life and how you have no reasonable clue as to how you can ever, ever begin to overcome them! The essay may be as long as your absentminded ramblings lead you to write, or it may be as short as your procrastinative tendencies leave you the scarce time to write. This scholarship is in two parts. For the first part, the Procrastination scholarship and the Absentmindedness scholarship are taken separately; an applicant may apply to one or both of them. In the Procrastination scholarship, preference will be given to applicants who apply as close to the deadline as possible without missing it. Applications will still be considered for four months after the deadline, but it’s best if you can get your application in, say, at midnight on the deadline. The deadline will be announced when we get around to it. Then there’s the absentminded scholarship and there are details on that... By the way, did you know Once Upon a Time is coming back in a couple of weeks? I’m so excited for that! Gosh, it’ll be hard to watch it one episode a week after devouring season one by, like, at least two episodes daily... and, yes, so, scholarship for the absentminded. And there was something about a second round where the two categories will be combined and judged against each other due to their innate similarities and occasional interdependency, but we can get to that later.

The Scholarship for the Indecisive about Life:
         Explain the many divergent paths your life has the potential to take. List and explain the advantages and disadvantages of every possible decision you could make. There is no need to make any actual choices. The only decision you need to make is to apply. This scholarship is due the day before classes at whatever college you decide to attend begin, so as to give you plenty of time to decide whether to apply. Fortunately, we actually managed to find people who are good at making decisions for our judging committee, and so funds will be awarded within two weeks of application. All applicants get a free guide to making vastly weighty life decisions in five seconds!* I don't know, I'm not sure I'll establish this scholarship after all.
*results not guaranteed. May actually lead to increased stress and possible explosions of brains.

Scholarship for the Skilled Utilization of Somewhat Pompously Eloquent Locution:
Write an essay using fancy talk.

“But I Digress” Scholarship:
Write a lengthy essay in which you digress as much as you possibly can into as many random subjects as you can possibly think of. Some sort of logical thought progression should be evident and there should be flow and seamless transitions, but there is no need to have a plan or direction in your writing; write as your mind flows. Introductions and conclusions are completely optional. Blather on without cease. Well, the page limit is twenty pages single spaced, and this should be at least one page, though greater length is preferable. You know, this reminds me of that time when I ate chocolate while sitting in a lovely willow tree alongside a river. Did you know there are only two rivers which flow uphill in all the world, and I used to live near one of these? “These” is an intriguing word if you really start looking hard at it. It also resembles “thesis”. Oh, I need to write my thesis statement for my paper on the French Revolution for tomorrow! France is known for its production of fine chocolates.

Scholarship for the Unfinished:
And more!

Beyond the violet mist, we made ourselves chuckle heartily at our own wittiness. ;D